.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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