one two three fourrrrnication!
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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