video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
