Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Shame - the story of my life.
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