I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
