I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Randomize
