No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
