We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
