i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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