That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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