ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
