she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
