I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
