It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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