I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
