Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
