Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
