it was like his penis was on wheels.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
We're using joints as your birthday candles
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
