I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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