So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
