she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
