Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
We have started to decorate penises.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
