i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
