You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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