it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
