My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
