He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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