I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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