well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
