I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
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