his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
