put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
