Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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