I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
