New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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