Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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