Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
