God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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