I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
