You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
