Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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