You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
