lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
