He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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