also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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