Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
