i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Drunk is not a location!
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
