did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
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