sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
