I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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