I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
just tell him i said nine months
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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