Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
