At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
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