you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
