apparently the secret to your success is patron
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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