Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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