the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
