I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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